The wall

When I was young
I built a wall,
with blocks I found
to be my toys.

It took some time
for me to learn
how high to build
before it fell.

I learnt so young
to order bricks:
the big on bottom
makes it strong.

And so the wall
became so high.
So proud was I
to see it rise.

“It’s time to put
away the bricks,”
as I grew up
as years went by.

But when the world
was full of fear,
I chose the bricks
none else could see.

As years went by
the wall rose tall:
and safe inside
I made my home.

Inside the wall,
I looked outside
and saw it all
and heard it too.

But safe was I
within my wall.
The wall was high.
and oh so thick.

And then I found
my special gift:
the world in which
I learned to fly.

But in this world
I was alone:
so high I flew
above the clouds.

And then I saw
the ones below:
so full of fun
and not alone.

And so I longed
to get back down
but found the way
so hard to find.

Down there, you see,
I couldn’t fly.
Up there was home.
Up there was joy.

But then I tried
to play their game,
yet sorely longed
to fly again.

And so I flew
so high again
and found my joy,
my peace, my home.

But all the while
I’d built a wall
to keep me safe
while up I flew.

And others came
who saw my flight
and asked if they
could share my joy.

But I could only
talk through walls.
I knew not how
to break them down.

But maybe I
could break the walls
I’ve spent so long
to build so high.

But here I’m safe
and here I’m free.
I’m free to live
and free to fly.

You see, the world
was never safe,
when first I learned
to build a wall.

But now I’m grown
the wall’s still high,
so out I look
and often sigh.

I didn’t want
to keep you out.
I just could not
break down the wall.

And when I fly
up there, so high,
I wish that you
could know my joy.

But, truth be told,
when up I fly,
I cannot stop
the floating up.

And so I find
myself alone,
while flying high
in my own world.

And when to ground
I must return
the wall is high:
that wall I built.

When all around me
blows a storm
I find a refuge
in my walls.

But please don’t hate
the wall I built:
it kept me safe
when first I built.

Please let me fly
where I am free.
Up there is where
I need to be.

But if one day
the way you find,
to break the wall
then be so kind

To help me know
that I’ll be safe
without my wall,
my hiding place.

Just lead me gently
by the hand:
“It’s time to put
away the bricks.”

Matthew McMurray 11/02/2020

Not yet

I stand here

alone,

but not lonely.

Surrounded

by a thousand thoughts,

and hopes,

and dreams.

Hoping

to see your face,

to find you.

In the silence

I look for you,

but the time is

not yet.

In the darkness

I search,

I hope,

but the time is

not yet.

I wait

for the faintest

glimpse

of a light,

of your presence,

of a bond,

but the time is 

not yet.

I wait.

M McMurray 26/04/2015

Whispers of Hope

Something in the air
tells me that you are there.

Something in the wind
whispers to me
that you are searching
and longing.

The sun sets.
The horizon alive with colour,
vibrant,
signalling the end of a day,
pregnant with hope of
a new day.

At the new day,
I will still be looking,
longing,
hoping
to find you.

I know that you are there.

I long to find you,
to hold you,
to love you,
until the final sunset.

M. McMurray 19/04/2015

Swept away

I walked by the sea,
and there I sat:
there I saw

that there were forces
beyond my control.

The sea,
like a blanket
pulled one way
then the other,
was never quite still.

I wondered
what it would be like
to leave caution behind,
to jump,
to be lost in the tide.

to abandon myself

to these forces beyond my control.

And so I took
those first
tentative steps.

I dipped my toes,
and began to feel:

to feel it wash over:
enough to tease my nervous feet,
enough to entice.

And so further in I continued,
until I could no longer stand.

Out of my depth

I continued to struggle,
to fight,
to keep control.

Part of me wants to return,
part of me likes to feel the ground:
solid,
firm,
in control.

But still the current pulls me.
Sometimes I fight,
but sometimes,
when I can fight no more,
I let go.

I abandon myself.

And it is here,
in this place of fear,
that I have found you.

Sometimes I feel the need
to return
to withdraw.

I look back to the shore.

The sea has become choppy:
it looks safer on the shore,
where I can reach the ground.

But it was here
that I found you:
not there.
I am not sure I can swim.

If I head towards the shore,
it is because I need to:
I need
to feel the ground again.

But I will stay in the water,
and eventually,
the tide will take me again,
and return me

to you.

M. McMurray 02/10/2013

For your safety

For your safety,

Do not run,

Do not skip,

Do not cycle,

Do not skate.

Walk:

Preferably in single file.

Conform.

Try not to look.

Try not to hear.

Try not to touch.

In fact,

Just try not to act too much

Like

You're alive.

M. McMurray 13/8/2013

On the move

They come and they go:

Never quite here, never quite there,

But always on the move.

Some faces worn and tired,

From feet that have walked too long.

Others betray a little smile

As they remember journeys done before:

Not the first time they've walked this path.

Others, with the next generation in their hands,

Smile as their journeys are shared.

But nobody quite stays where they are.

This is a moment in time,

Trapped as though in a jar

Like a fly

Eager to move on

Because they're never quite here,

Never quite there,

And so they come and go.

M. McMurray 13/8/2013

Solitude

Caillte

Lost here with thoughts of wind,

And words floating,

Swimming.

The world passes by.

This is the place where it pauses:

A refuge from the storm.

Here the wind slows

Until it stops and is no more.

A place where I can watch and wonder:

Caillte until the wind starts again.

M. McMurray 13/8/2013

* Caillte is the Irish word for 'lost'