Swept away

I walked by the sea,
and there I sat:
there I saw

that there were forces
beyond my control.

The sea,
like a blanket
pulled one way
then the other,
was never quite still.

I wondered
what it would be like
to leave caution behind,
to jump,
to be lost in the tide.

to abandon myself

to these forces beyond my control.

And so I took
those first
tentative steps.

I dipped my toes,
and began to feel:

to feel it wash over:
enough to tease my nervous feet,
enough to entice.

And so further in I continued,
until I could no longer stand.

Out of my depth

I continued to struggle,
to fight,
to keep control.

Part of me wants to return,
part of me likes to feel the ground:
solid,
firm,
in control.

But still the current pulls me.
Sometimes I fight,
but sometimes,
when I can fight no more,
I let go.

I abandon myself.

And it is here,
in this place of fear,
that I have found you.

Sometimes I feel the need
to return
to withdraw.

I look back to the shore.

The sea has become choppy:
it looks safer on the shore,
where I can reach the ground.

But it was here
that I found you:
not there.
I am not sure I can swim.

If I head towards the shore,
it is because I need to:
I need
to feel the ground again.

But I will stay in the water,
and eventually,
the tide will take me again,
and return me

to you.

M. McMurray 02/10/2013